Saturday, January 7, 2012

Warning: Another Random Rant

There are times I think I shouldn't be blogging. Maybe this whole blogging thing needs to wait until after my son's murder trial takes place. That maybe I shouldn't be writing my feelings on the internet for everyone to see. Maybe, just maybe I shouldn't link up to anything about Sam Pratt's law because maybe the law would have a better chance of passing if it didn't have some silly girl ranting useless nonsense online because she is sad her child is no longer living.

Of course, then I stop and think... My son is gone. I want to mention his name. I want to write about how I feel. How sad I am that I am sitting in the very room, which was his nursery. He is no longer here with me. He should be and he is not. So some days, like today, I am going to write about him. Then on other days, I am not and every now and then, I am going to write a little poetry or a short story or heck any darn thing I want to. 

He was my son. He was part of my life. Yes, I have two children who are living and a husband and a family. And yes next summer there is a murder trial going to take place for my son. I don't mention the woman's name on here because it makes me sick to my stomach but I hold much resentment towards her and towards anyone who may have supported her in her efforts to stay out of jail and continue to watch children.

I can't take away anything that has happened. I cannot erase the past and hope for a day when it is okay for me to decide I like to write. I like other people to read what I write and I might even like to write poetry. I can't let the fact that another woman murdered my son hold back my ideas and my thoughts. I can't stop hoping Sam Pratt's law passes and I can't stop praying for justice for my son.

I could put my own life on hold forever while I wait for justice. However, I would rather not continue to be a victim. There are days when I want to shout from every mother-flippin mountaintop there is that my son's life was taken away from me.

So I am going to continue to blog. I am going to continue to write, hope, dream, and wish. I will mention William Samuel whenever I want. It's the name and I gave him. I love him. I miss him. I'll never give in. I'll never give up. I hope for justice and for Sam Pratt's law so that other children will remain safe and families may be protected.






***I also need to add that above all else, I have to thank all of the people who have never given up hope even during those times when I, myself, thought no one in Jefferson City was going to listen. It is the people who have made phone calls, sent out e-mails, and passed around post cards who are the real heroes in the fight for better childcare.





2 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for your loss, Hannah. You keep blogging for yourself and your son.

    ReplyDelete

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